Sunday, May 18, 2008

Am I Crazy or Something??

Ok, so all month I've been soooooo excited to go to a scrapbooking crop that was this past Friday-knew a lot of the girls that were going, plus my mom was with me too. Ron came up and stayed with the boys and he lent me his truck cuz Dad was out fishing.
The crop was from 4-midnight. Eight hours of uninterrupted scrapping time-a definite rarity in my life! I packed all my stuff and couldn't wait to get there. We got there around 6, which was fine. We'd stopped to get something for supper and some treats. This was a no-frills crop to raise money for a friend's charity-a great cause so we didn't mind bringing our own food.
So I ate as soon as I got there cuz I knew once I got into my projects, I wouldn't want to stop. Well, I hummed and hawed for a bit, looked at some sketches, looked at pictures and papers until I finally got my mojo going-a little. Then my head started hurting. I kept feeling like I wanted to cry! I called home to see how the kids were-they were all sleeping cuz it was about 8:30, past bedtime. Headache got worse and my mojo was slowly slipping away. Mom sent me to get something to eat since all I had was a salad. I felt a little better, but that panic-y feeling wouldn't go away which made my head worse. We ended up leaving around 9:30. I felt better once I was home and took a couple Tylenol.

I feel like such a dork! I mean, you know I don't get out without my kids nearly enough when I get panic attacks by leaving them! I mean, they were with their Dad, in their own home and they were sleeping! I had his car so it's not even like he could've taken them somewhere! Like seriously!! I was about 10 minutes away from them! What is wrong with me!??!?!
I know what's wrong with me-since January, I have not left my kids other than to get groceries, and the 1 time I did leave them for a day, I could practically see my house from where I was. I haven't been further than the Superstore without at least one of my kids with me since January. I don't even know the last time I got a sitter to watch them so I could go out (Mom doesn't count, really).
So obviously I'm going to be calling the doctor. I can't function like this! It's insane! I mean, I used to have a sitter come over EVERY Friday night so I could go down to the Scrap Pad-and I had no way there except a cab!
Maybe it was that I had my own way there and back-I knew I could leave at anytime. Or maybe I missed my kids!
I don't know what it was, but I know I didn't like feeling that way-helpless and scared and wanting to cry. I'm calling the doctor on Tuesday and getting it checked out. I need help!

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